Ten Things Labs CANNOT Do!

Those familiar with the Labrador breed know well their incredible aptitude for learning. They're fabulous dogs. They can do just about anything we'd want a canine to do.

When I watch Elsie, for example, open our back door using the brass lever handle (something she figured out on her own) or Ridge "find it" (seek and retrieve a hidden or "lost" dummy), I sometimes wonder if there's anything these faithful friends can't do.

And, of course, that got me thinking (can you smell the smoke?). :o)

Here are ten things most healthy, normal Labs cannot do (or, at least, ours can't do) in no particular order:

1. Remain cool, calm, and collected when they hear the jangle of a training collar or leash being readied for them. OhboyohboyohboyohboyIgettogoforawalkandtrainmyhuman!

2. Ignore a new scent. Anywhere. Anytime. Anyplace. With anyone. In any weather conditions. A Lab version of Dr Suess might be "I like to sniff things in a chair. I like to sniff them in the air. In a rutt or 'neath your butt - especially another mutt. I like to sniff them in a park, I like to sniff them after dark. In a field or in a stream, I even sniff things when I dream. I like to sniff them here or there I like to sniff them everywhere."

3. Be cliquish or aloof. It's just not in them to condescend.

4. Forget the treat you left in your pocket. Don't even try to hide it from them. In fact, if you ever had any doubt about a Lab's memory, show them four treats, put four treats in your pocket, take out and give them three, and then see what they do.

5. Not come when called for dinner. Not come for food? Are you kidding? Labs are even more food motivated than people.

6. Stay out of mud puddles, streams, ponds, marshes, lakes, swamps, rivers, bays, the ocean or any other natural body of water (note: a bath tub or shower is not a natural water formation).

7. NOT wiggle when they greet you. They just can't contain their joy. :o)

8. Hold a grudge. Lab are the most forgiving, faithful creatures on the planet. They put humans to shame.

9. Lose hope. Talk about eternal optimists! Have you looked, as in really looked, into your Lab's eyes lately? That's the glint of hope-filled expectation you see there: always hoping; always expecting; always believing; always trusting. What a breed!

10. Grow old or weary in spirit. Labs are the epitome of childlikeness. Even when their bodies grow stiff and slow with age, their hearts still beat with joy-filled abandon and everything-is-new-everyday wonder. How I wish I were more like them.


Well, that's my first ten. I have a boatload more to save for another day. How about you? What CAN'T your Lab do?

'Til next time,
Joan